Who Wears the Financial Pants In Your Relationship?

| August 17, 2019
relationship finances

I’m pretty certain that most of you know that I’m not married, and if you didn’t know….well now you do! That being said, I don’t have a personal wedding or relationship story to share about who wears the financial pants in my relationship, however I’m curious to know about your relationship, and who wears the financial pants…or maybe you wear nothing…or barely anything.


For someone who’s on the verge of entering his dirty 30s, I’ve yet to come close to marriage. Maybe other parties thought that we were there, but me, not so much! However, I’ve been to my share of weddings over the years, and experienced the $10,000 wedding to as expensive as an $60,000 wedding. No doubt there was a difference between one and the other, but I still had fun at them all. So, if you’re reading this, and I attended your wedding, consider your self lucky, because there have been some that I don’t remember much. 😉

A couples wedding may be their first major expense together, if they haven’t already bought a house already. In my opinion the wedding process can set the tone for the rest of their financial lives together. Hopefully, you guys will work together on your wedding , and possibly spend less on a wedding day than the average $27k wedding to afford to travel to some nice all inclusive couples resorts for your honeymoon.

Generally women take charge during weddings, where as most men contribute in other ways, while some are totally afraid to say anything – therefore becoming a “Yes” man. For the record, nobody should be afraid, whether male or female.

Aren’t relationships supposed to be about equality, respect and balance?

The last time I checked it takes two people to get married, so why should only one person have the right to make all of the financial decisions?

Generally in today’s modern couples personal finance, there’s usually one dominant partner who handles the majority of finances – including, but not limited to budgeting, spending, and bill payments. Hmmm….sounds a little controlling to me, but hey, if that’s your thing….go for it! Either way, if one partner is better at saving or budgeting or whatever personal finance, they should equally work hard to include their partner in the decision making.  Isn’t the point of getting married to the man or woman of your dreams? Someone who’ll work with you, share your dreams and visions, and be supportive.

Having said all this, I’m also very understanding.

There are circumstances where one partner excels in the numbers, but by no means does that give them a free pass to make all the financial decisions. Even if one partner has no interest in day-to-day finances, they should be updated and consulted on all the financial decision making. Keeping each other in the loop is as important as saving the money. The last thing anyone would want to feel is resentment because they were not included in the process.

Despite all of this, many men and women aren’t on the same page with money. Men view money differently than women – old news in case you didn’t know.

The basic fundamental need for couples is open communication between spouses in order to live in financial harmony. One spouse’s perception must equal the other spouse’s intention in order to have successful communication. The only way for that to happen is if husbands and wives openly communicate their views and listen to what the other is saying.

So, I did some digging around, and came across a neat survey conduced by PNC Wealth Management, a member of The PNC Financial Services Group, Inc. which surveyed 1,097 adults with over $500k in invest-able assets and a minimum annual income of $150k and not retired.

Here are some highlights for the survey:


More women than men express worry about the recession (69 percent versus 54 percent of men); inflation (51 percent versus 44 percent of men); money to support lifestyle (46 percent versus 40 percent of men); declining real estate values (45 percent versus 35 percent of men) and not being able to support lifestyle in retirement (45 percent versus 34 percent of men).

Conclusion: Women give a shit more about money in the present and future.


Four in 10 (41 percent) men describe themselves as high or moderate risk investors versus only 27 percent of women who tend to describe
themselves as balanced (46 percent) or conservative/no-risk (27 percent).

Conclusion: It’s obvious that women are less risk takers.

Financial Happiness

More men (55 percent) than women (45 percent) say they derive pleasure from wealth accumulation. This represents a slight shift from five years ago when an equal number of men (52 percent) and women (50 percent) shared that sentiment.

Conclusion: Almost equally, men and women, enjoy pleasure and happiness from wealth accumulation.

Nobody wants to be married to a control freak. Communication is key to the longevity of any relationship, married or not. So, my dear couples, talk to your partners, and if they don’t care about finances – get them to care!

So, back to the question: Who wears the financial pants in your relationship?