Younger Men Prefer Mature Women

cougar, older woman, younger man, dating older women, cougars, cougar town, courtney coxWomen today are deciding to go against the normalcy of the dating rules their parents faced over thirty years ago. More women are braving the “cougar” and “cradle robber” jokes and are diving into the exciting world of dating younger men. And the young bucks aren’t complaining about it either. Older women dating younger men used to be a taboo in the dating world for sometime, and something that only the brave souls forgo-ed.  Today, the hottest dating trend is seeing a younger man with an older woman, and it’s something that younger men are beginning to prefer.

According to the United States Census , there are over 42 million people in United States who are over 40 and single. Majority of them happen to be women. Rules have changed significantly, and women over 40 who were once looked as old(er), are now embraced as youthful exciting species. Dating over 40 was once looked down upon by some who lost touch with time, but today mid-life dating has a whole new meaning that requires a fresh mindset.

A poll conducted by AARP in 2009 showed that almost one third of women between ages 40 and 69 were dating younger men. Among that, one sixth of women in their forties preferred men as young as in their thirties. There’s a lot of positive hype around younger men-older women dating. The smart people of Hollywood have caught on with the explosion of on-screen romances between older women and younger men with shows such as Cougar Town and Sex in the City. Even in Canada were part of the hype with the crowning of Miss Cougar Canada, a 48-year-old single mother of two that is now the leader of the pack after winning the title of Miss Cougar Canada in 2010. Furthermore, cougar cruises are setting sail, cosmetic surgeons are cougarizing their clients, online cougar communities are cropping up, and dating websites such as Cougar Life.com, launched by Toronto’s own self-proclaimed cougar Claudia Opdenkelder are exploding with memberships.

What is it About Older Women That Attract Younger Men?

 

Age is a number, but maturity is a relevant measure. Older women tend to make smarter decisions about who they enter into full relationships with. Younger women are not sure what they want and are often attracted to men who are cocky (which is a mask that they wear). These same cocky men are also great at pushing the “please give me attention” buttons that are so prevalent in society today.
In high school I didn’t have much luck with women until my senior year. I’m not going to lie, I was somewhat confused, awkward and nerdy. Girls were into the jocks, and guys who knew how to put on a show. I was the guy who stood on the sidelines and watched the show wondering “WTF does he have that I don’t”.
Eventually college came, and I became an overnight Rock Star…sort of anyways. I was hanging with girls everywhere, pub-nights, house parties and weekend getaways was the non-stop going rate for three years. I somehow managed to graduate, and get my degree, but looking back now I did way more partying and chasing tail than anything else. Coincidentally in college I also experienced my first experience of dating an older woman. I was 20, a rookie and fresh meat in second year, and Michelle was 29 with a failed career path returning to school to find a better career alternative.
My experience dating Michelle was life changing, because since then I don’t recall the last time I dated someone younger than me. Somehow it always works out that the woman is older than me, sometimes by a few years, and other times it’s been a difference of up to 10 years. Have I learned a lot?  Hell yeah. Confidence booster?  Totally. Mind altering? Absolutely.
Most of my success of dating older women comes due to maturity. I’m not here to toot my own horn, but I’m confident enough to say that I’m mature beyond my years. I’ve even been called an “Old Soul” by some, not sure if that’s a good thing though, but it sounds good.

Looking back at my dating years, I’m not surprised that more younger men have a desire for older women. The same could be said for a lot of older women as well. I think there’s been a societal shift where women are now out-educating and their earning are showing, furthermore the self-esteem trends we used to see are shifting, and what used to be looked down upon by most in the society, today is very acceptable for an older woman to be dating a younger man.

Boys to Men

Women get caught up with this idea that men are immature, and for the most part I would agree with them. I did a lot of dumb immature things in my junior days – snapping bras, slapping butts and blowing in the ear were some of the more famous ones. In college I was an expert at dropping lines, until I met Michelle. Still to this day I wonder what she saw in me to date me. I was immature, and with a border complexion for line dropping. Dating Michelle was one of the best things happened to me in my dating life. I became more mature, and matured for the better.

I stopped acting like a college dude, but didn’t stop chasing tail. How could I possibly stop, my game was only getting better. I figured out that one thing all women desire in a guy is a sense of humor, and for me using humor along with goofiness is the path of least resistance.

More importantly I discovered a niche. There were very few younger men dating older women, and a lot had to do with them bring afraid of rejection by the mature counterparts, therefore they stayed away. I used this to my advantage, and while my friends were running around and driving girls to malls for their weekend shopping trips, I was having upscale dinners, weekend getaways , trips to museums and many other “mature” activities.

Yet as I get older, dating only gets better. As a younger guy who has dated older women, now we (men) get to date more and more women since there are more women to choose from – younger and older.  Meanwhile, as women get older, they’re realizing that they don’t want to be dating their dad, who also happens to be trapped in a 70s fashion sense and stuck in his own ways.

Sam from Financial Samurai wrote a very intriguing post titled, ” Why Single Men Love Growing Old “.  A brilliant post, which totally reminded me of my self.  The picture of the two donkeys is the only thing that I don’t get from the post, but I whole hardheartedly agreed that the ideal age for men to get married is 35, or as Sam refers to it as “The Golden Cross”. By the time most men hit their mid-thirties, they’ve established them selves with a home, nicer car, career and money in the bank account. Makes a whole lot of sense to me.

Maturity Preference 

Nobody likes dating an insecure slob. For the most part, that’s what you get with dating in the twenties. Fact is younger women are quite insecure. Rather than being them selves, they’re working over-time to impress family members, friends, and everyone in between, rather than just doing their own thing without much thought on what others will think, say or react. Furthermore, too much emphasis is placed on breast size, body shape, cellulite, weight, and ordering one crouton for lunch and then sharing it with friends in order to keep the size “0″.

It’s no wonder their male counterparts are choosing to date older. Here are a few reasons why.

  1. They are old enough to appreciate younger man’s ingénue charms.
  2. A liberating “now or never” mentality takes over as we get older (men and women).
  3. A dimmer switch is the greatest sex and beauty aid known to womankind – no need for breast implants or the fake tan.
  4. Who doesn’t prefer someone laid back and relaxed vs. someone always trying to be up their ass.

What’s in For The Older Woman?

As a younger man I may not remember Led Zepplin or John Lennon in their prime, but at least I can rock-out to the tune and look good doing so. Older men are passed over due their sluggishness with age, mid-life crisis, beer bellies, boringness and bald spots. Now I’m not painting all older men with the same brush, but not often do we see a solid looking middle aged man who’s well put together, and still has a zest for life? They’re far few in between sadly. One thing I always promised to my self, whether married or rolling single, that I’ll always do my best to upkeep my self physically, fashionably, and live life to the fullest. Thus far I’m doing a great job with two personal training sessions as week, mixed in with a lot of sports activities, a schedule that I’ve been on for sometime now.

I’m the first to admit that women are clearly over-taking men in the upkeep department as they age. Seems like many men let them selves go, and accept who they are, while their female counterparts are embracing life in a whole new way, keeping up with fashion, staying active, and even outliving their male counterparts. So, to no one’s surprise they’re also choosing to date someone younger – primarily due to similarities in lifestyle and amongst other things.

Today’s Dating

Beautiful part of today’s dating is that there is more choice than ever. Choice of where we meet our partners, how we meet them, and knowing that we don’t have to settle for the sake of finding a life partner just because we hit our dirty thirties.

Dating has changed drastically over the years. If you have tried dating in the last few years, and found it very confusing and challenging, you’re not alone! The number of singles is on the increase. There are many options to meet someone, whether an online dating website, on the street, Facebook, at the bars, and through speed-dating are just some of the more effective ways. Long gone are the days of our parents, where our parents got introduced to each other at a friends function. 

Singletons are making up the majority of the population in the western society. Far more people are forgoing marriage, and instead they’re focusing on them selves, their careers, and the dating that comes along with it.

Almost every major dating market has more women than men. Older women and younger men dating is just one aspect. This works for some, but it’s not for everyone. I’ve been part of the dating scene for years now, and there have been many times I was looked down upon by vindictive older males who pondered over their shoulders whether she should date me or adopt me. Even some of my friends have taken jabs, made smirks, and outright commented in the past on young and mature dating. But, guess what? The same friends are now dating older, and commenting on how they’ve been missing out all these years. As for those vindictive older males who are dating someone their daughters age, just remember this: You can’t suck and blow at the same time. You’re doing the same thing. 

Final Thoughts

I’m certain that this article has raised some eyebrows, but keep I shared mostly my experiences throughout my life. Deep down I’m aware that not all younger women in their twenties are immature, and not all older males are slobs caught in mid-life crisis. Everyone is different, and everything is a case by case scenario, however numbers don’t lie either. Take look next time you’re out and about, and you’ll realize how many older men are out on dates with younger women and similarly how many younger men are dating older women. We all have preferences, and the beauty of dating today is that there’s more choice than ever. In truth, for males or females, younger or older, age doesn’t matter – not unless you’re a building or a grapevine. So, younger men, and mature women, happy hunting. And just remember that age really is a case of mind over matter – if you don’t mind, it don’t matter.

What are your thoughts on younger dating older? Have you dated anyone older than your self? What was your experience?

Best,

Eddie

Photo Credits ( 26398905@N05)

Comments

  1. Eddie,

    This is why I come to read your blog, you never know what to expect.

    It is true that people are getting married earlier and earlier. I am glad I met the woman of my dreams and I am the luckiest guy alive (she has to put up with my craziness)!

    I think dating these days is more complicated for everyone.
    Steve @ Grocery Alerts recently posted..Certain EARTH GREENS brand ORGANIC ITALIAN BLEND salad may contain Listeria MonocytogenesMy Profile

  2. I think the oldest woman I’ve ever dated was 6 months older than me. So in other words, we were the same age.

    Ever since that incident in high school with the “older woman”, I’ve been reluctant to date older women. I’m a product of my upbringing. It’s not that I wouldn’t, but I didn’t really look for them when I was in my 20′s. I already look younger than my real age anyway, so it was a natural progression to date younger women.

    The older we get, the less age matters.

    S
    Financial Samurai recently posted..How Often Should You Refinance Your Primary Home Mortgage?My Profile

    • Very true about the age as we get older.
      You fall into that “The Golder Cross”, where you can go five years up or five years down, and still be perfect for the situation.
      Thanks for the love Sam!

  3. As an old(er) guy, I do not look forward to the day when I enter assisted living. It is not what you think, I am concerned I will be one of very few men still living and suffering a slow death with the “old(er)” women. How’s that for a twist?

    Old(er) rich men are always attractive to young women because of the money and confidence. I guess it is something to look forward to before I go into assisted living.
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  4. I do tend to avoid dating women who are much younger than me. It is pretty tough to really connect with someone who is just on a different level of maturity. I’ve actually been chasing this woman who is nearly 40. I could definitely see a lot of advantages to dating someone a bit older. More than 10 years difference would probably be too much for me though.
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  5. Eddie,
    This was fun to read. Who cares what eyebrows you raised!

    I’m still a young’n, so it’s not hard to find women older than me. But for a few weeks, I dated a girl who was six years older than me. And I say girl because she acted no more mature than 16-year-old girl.

    At the same time, I’ve been with younger gals who acted 10 or 15 years more mature than they were. I’m much like you, Eddie, in that I use the goofiness and humor pretty well. It’s just natural. My dad’s a giant goofball. Age aside, the mature ladies appreciate when a guy can make them laugh. And men appreciate when the lady laughs.

    That’s kind of where I am now, just making a special gal laugh and keeping her by my side.

    -Christian L.
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  6. I’ve never dated a younger dude, but I could never imagine doing that at my age (24) when all guys younger than me are probably in that stage where they’re making it rain with their student loan money or something. I prefer dating older guys..which is probably why I started dating my BF when I was 18 and he was 25. We’re still together! A lot of my gal pals date older guys but I think it’s because of our age..gals are more mature than guys and honestly when I was 18, my BF was just as immature as me at 25. I can understand the shift though as people get older. Age doesn’t matter though – if you guys match and can get along, then who am I to judge? My dad is younger than my mom, but only by about 4 years so it was never a big deal since they look the same age.
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    • That’s a great story about you and your BF. Sounds like you guys are going strong. Great to hear in a day and age where people think the grass is always greener on the other side. Age over matter.

  7. A heart warming tale to a woman like myself in middle youth! Age is just a number!

  8. I am still laughing to to myself that you wrote about this, but it’s a great article. I have a friends who is 32 and he’s dating a women who is in her lower 50′s.
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  9. Men I dated in the past year: ages 22, 32, 30, and 21.

    I’m 26.

    I have no idea where all the men age 24-29 are. I’d date them if I could find them, but in the mean time? Yes, I liked the younger guys better than the older ones =p
    Bridget recently posted..What you can learn about blogging from 50 Shades of GreyMy Profile

    • There’s nothing wrong with young guys or girls for that matter as long as they’re mature.
      You go with what works for you, but every so often its good to step outside of the comfort zone.

  10. I as a rule always prefer dating older men (I am 29). My ideal median is 2-4 years my senior. There’s something primordial about it for me. No doubt should I not get married and have the picket fence life in due course, the younger stud would probably get my attention as a favorite past time. Guess regardless of age- it just has to work for you.
    Michelle @ Nice guys recently posted..Avoid These 2 Biggest Turn Offs for WomenMy Profile

  11. I just started dating younger men. I’m 43 and look hot and have a great career. My first guy I was with 6 months and he was 32. He had a lot friends who dated older women and his parents have 20 yr difference. Things were going good in the begining, then he starting thinking about having a family and kids. I’ve been out with mid-twenties but that is all about sex and nothing more. I do agree about 10yrs difference is doable but I figured out that maybe 35 plus would be better for me because I hope most guys that age will know better what they want in life. I had my children when I was younger so now I can enjoy my life and do things I couldn’t do when I was younger. I’m on Cougarlife.com and Match.com and I’m having a blast.

  12. Hi I am 53 years old excellent health and shape, look like 35 years old, got it from my beautiful asian mom and I am getting married in march 2013 to a wonderful man. He is 35 and CRAZY in love with me. Love it, love it, love it. Age is just ### but LOVE and HONESTY is hard to come by. By the way, my ex for many years was womanizer and loves alcohol he is 5 years older. I stayed with him because I am loyal to my man and now God gave me love. Thanks, thanks, thanks. LADIES DO NOT GIVE UP, there’s always a good fellow out there looking for real love.

    • Anne, hearing your story brings me great joy. I am in nearly an exact situation as you were. I met this woman(whose name happens to be Anne as well) and instantly fell in love with her. She looks very young and has so much energy. Truly a free spirit. Now I’m only 21 and she is 50 but here’s he thing, I own my own house and have a very good career so I consider myself pretty mature. Anne was also in an abusive relationship but was comfortable enough to tell me. And to be honest when I heard that, tears came to my eye. She is such a wonderful person and deserves so much better. I invited her over and cooked her dinner, we talked for about 5 hours! She also said i was the first guy she agreed to go out with since she been hurt in the past, which meant so much to me. I would give anything to spend more time with her, I’m just not sure how she feels about dating someone so much younger.

  13. LOVED this, my kind of post if you ask me :) I also think younger men are unafraid of strong, successful women, whereas a guy my age might be intimidated by someone as successful. Men need to feel like they are superior: younger guys feel superior because they are better looking, older men feel more superior because they out earn. It’s all a balance in self esteem. Also, HOT middle aged men are few and far between, and if they are that good looking, they usually only want hot younger women…so I suppose it all works out.

    And not ALL girls are insecure and annoying in their twenties, but I definitely agree self-esteem is an age game too.
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