I’ve been friends with a certain group of people for a while. And by while I mean well over 10 years. We’ve done a lot in that time together, from playing competitive soccer together and going to high-school to traveling and endless partying. As years went on, we went from being teenagers, graduating high-school, getting our post-secondary education, starting our careers and some even got married. Sounds all good, right? Well not quite. Especially as we all got older and started to establish our selves via new careers, first home purchasing and so on. You’d think that as people grow older, the friendships solidify over time. Not so much the case here. Never understood why envy had to get in the way of good friendships.
What is a good friendship in my eyes?
That’s simple! It’s sorta like an investment. You invest your time, emotions, feelings, thoughts and money in hopes of getting the equal back in return. Now, it does not have to be equal shot for shot or dollar for dollar, but at least the effort has to be there. To sum it up in a sentence; You want your friend(s) to have your back, much like you have theirs. Not only is it common courtesy, but that’s what true friendships are all about. Give and take, moral support and the knowing you have someone to lean on when the tough gets going.
Who are these so called friends?
These are people I grew up with as a child, through the teen years and eventually into our early adulthood. The same people that we shared food, laughs, sleepovers and virtually all of our free time. This was a group of 4-5 people.
Eventually it all changed last year. After years of frustration, some anger and let downs, things came to an end. It ended by me pulling my self out for good and not looking back since. Since, there has been some criticizing from mutual friends on my harsh decision.
Personally I don’t feel it was harsh at all. There comes a time when you just got to do, what you go to do.
If you don’t respect your self, no one else will. Those were the wise words of my mother, who preached them to me in my younger days, but the same words that I live by today.
I’ve tried over the course of many years to let things go, not get uptight, forgive and forget, but some people never change.
Reason # 1: Friendship is a two way street!
Like I said earlier, who ever is part of your life, you want them to have your best interest, much like you have theirs. You hope for unconditional friendship consisting of truth, love, moral support and even at times, emotional support.
Unfortunately I realized this a little too late. I was the one offering it all up, yet getting a quarter of it in return. The worst part of it, is that you are getting it on someone else terms. WTF is up with that?
Sure there were many great moments, mostly through sport playing and partying, but outside of that there was not much to write home about.
Reason # 2: Competition
As if there is already not enough competition in this world, you certainly don’t need it from your closest ones. Instead of being supportive regarding the new car or home, you get the backhanded congrats. Whatever happened to; If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say nothing at all? I guess that did not exist with these people.
Who cares whether it was me or you who purchased a first home? car? or whatever. Instead just be genuinely happy for the person, rather than envy them because of the home they own, car they drive or money they earn.
No two people are equal. Sometimes others get there faster than you, but who cares? I don’t. Instead I take as a learning opportunity to better my self. To see what rights they made in order to achieve that goal.
Reason # 3: Behind the back talk…
I despise of it. If anyone has anything to say, come forward and say it. I hated being in the moment, when one of the friends was not around, while he was getting railed for how he acted last night or because they heard trough the grapevine how he got dumped. It’s simply childish. This was done time and time again, not only behind my back, but everyone got their turn at being talked about through time.
The kicker to me was the fact that when we’d all get together, we’d all be best buddies again. Never made much sense to me then, sure makes tons now.
Reason # 4: Different interests and life priorities
As we grew older, so did our priorities. Some were still finishing school, others started their careers, but we all had individual goals. Mine was to buy my first home, so in order to achieve this I had to make radical changes to my life. I cut my going out in order to save money and traveled far less than ever before. What did I become? According to them an outcast, because I did not go out as often.
I thought true friends are always there, no matter when. I guess I was wrong on that one as well.
There are many more reasons than this, but rather than keep dragging it on, those are some of the biggest ones. All the friendships came to an end, when I was a no show for one of the friends wedding. Yeah, it might have been a harsh move on behalf, but it wasn’t an easy decision to make.
I took enough time to think it over and asked my self over and over, if this was the right way to bow out? In the end, I simply didn’t care. I knew I didn’t want to be part of that scene anymore and the decision to pull my self out, was one of the best ones I’ve made in my life.
Today I don’t worry about who’s talking behind my back, competition, watching what to say and to whom. Instead I am surrounded my a smaller circle of friends, who have my best interest at hand, much like I have theirs. In friendships, there should be no competitions, we’re all individuals, yet different in our individual ways.
Remember, in life it’s not where you start, but rather where you finish.