Who’s Yo Daddy?

Natural pose!

Different strokes for different folks. That’s the way dating goes today. Long gone are the norms of dating in which you go to school, graduate, find a job, find your sweetheart, get married, and live happily ever after. Some would argue that happily ever after doesn’t even exists, but who am I to say that they’re wrong? Today people are getting married in their mid-30s, younger men are dating older women, the society has virtually accepts gay marriages, and older men are dating younger women everywhere you look.

There’s nothing wrong with any of the above scenarios, yet each of them often gets some bad rap. Who are we to judge? If the person is happy that’s all it matters.

When it comes to older men dating younger women, it’s a scenario that often labels the man as a ‘Sugar Daddy Relationship’. It’s a taboo topic that most would rather not discuss, but websites that promise to match older wealthy men with young attractive women have been thriving in America for years.

What once was a secretive process, today snagging a sugar daddy seems pretty straight forward, as there are more and more Canadians with cash to spare who are advertising their services online in hopes of landing a mutually beneficial relationship.

No Strings Attached

Sugar Daddy relationships are simply a mutually beneficial relationships. It’s probably one the most upfront scenarios of modern dating, as both participants know exactly what they’re getting into ahead of time. There’s no strings attached for either side,  except a mutually beneficial relationship, where women sign up to be treated like a lady, showered with gifts, taken on all-you-can-buy shopping sprees, and the enjoyment of meals at the best tables in town. In return the man gets…ummmm………….. the ‘company’ for presents.

I realize some readers may be shocked by today’s topic, yet interested to hear about it at the same time, while others will flat out look this type of arrangement as soft-core prostitution.

According to a survey conducted by seekingarrangement.com, a website that connects prospective sugar daddies with “sugar babies,”  Toronto has the most sugar daddies per capita in Canada, but Victoria has the most generous ones.

Vancouver’s sugar-daddies have reported that they had average incomes of $234,000, gave an average of $4,000 worth of cash and gifts to their “sugar babies” and had a net worth over $5 million. Majority of the survey respondents were professionals, executives, entrepreneurs and investors. The average age was 40 and thirty-two per cent reported they were married.

Toronto topped the list with 1.98 sugar daddies per 1,000 adult men, aged 21 to 84 years old. Calgary, Vancouver, London and Edmonton rounded out the top five, ranging from 1.13 to 1.71 sugar daddies per 1,000 adult men.

Interesting figures to say the least. Money may not buy love, but certainly buys happiness. Human beings are a funny specie, and it’s human nature that successful people want younger and more attractive partners. Some choose to the plastic surgery way, and others pay their dues through trips, gifts, fancy dinners, and shopping sprees.

I’m sure some of you may be surprised by the statistics, but you really shouldn’t be if you consider today’s dating. I find today’s modern dating that more younger men and women are seeking out more experienced, sophisticated, attractive, and wealthy partners who provide the maturity in life, finances, and dating that they can’t get with a partner their age. This isn’t to say that all younger men and women are immature, just very few are mature today. There’s a good chunk who live at home with mom and dad, party weekends away, have minimal goals, and limited-to-no savings in their accounts.

Plastic Surgeon’s Date At The Dodgers Game.

Young, Attractive and Educated

In many cultures, liaisons between the wealthy, generous and the beautiful were even considered an art form.  That’s why online match-making websites that connect the mature and wealthy with younger counterparts are popping up more than ever. If you care to know, here’s a list of the more popular ones:

  • Seeking Arrangement – www.seekingarrangment.com
  • Miss Travel – www.misstravel.com (For the female world travelers)
  • Diamond Daddy – www.diamonddaddy.com
  • Sugar Daddy – www.sugardaddie.com

Websites like these are gaining popularity more than ever. The seekingarrangement.com website claims to have a million subscribers, with 10 women for every man. I’d sign up in a heartbeat, except I don’t have the financial credentials. The interesting statistic that pops out on these dating websites is a good chunk of the members are in school getting an education (going into debt) or recent grads with school debt. Over the past few years, the number of college students using such websites has exploded, and there doesn’t seem to be any slowing down due to expensive education. High unemployment rates are another reason for the explosion in memberships. Spending four years in school, only to graduate with no potential job, and $25k in debt is not easy for anyone – male or female. Majority choose to earn a honest paycheck by working a job not related to their filed of study, while others choose to throw out their self-respect by allowing someone else to pay their way. It’s all a matter of choice, therefore making this a taboo topic for most.

manhattan beach, women, beauties

Manhattan Beach’s Finest

Upsides Have Downsides Too

Scenarios of the young women dating mature and wealthy men have upsides for both parties. However, there’s one downside that both parties share – commitment. Receiving money or gifts from a date is a way of saying “I like you, I want to spend time with you, I want to sleep with you, but I don’t want to pick furniture with you this weekend”.

Separating feelings vs. a business transaction is a hard thing to do for most. The longer the two parties continue to see each other, the more feelings develop. Usually it’s the investing men who are foolishly left behind simply because they forget the initial arrangement – the business transaction. Someone’s time, and intimacy in exchange for travel, cash allowance, shopping and fancy dinners.

Second point.

Meeting someone from a sugar daddy website is not much different than being on the average dating website. There are millions of members, everyone claims that they want a relationship, yet they can’t get out on enough dates because everyone is hoping that the grass is greener on the other side, therefore majority are playing the field. Most sugar daddy dating women don’t want to commit, because they know there’s always better around the corner. They also know that every scenario is different, some daddies can’t afford to travel with them due to time constraints, others are not willing to spend as much, and for some its only a one time thing.

Finally, much like with anything else that pertains to money, when you have it good, you don’t want second best anymore. It’s hard to scale it down to the average guy, when the guy before was able to take you on weekend shopping sprees in NYC. Dating someone who pays for everything becomes euphoric, and most begin to believe that everyone should pay for them – even the average salary hardworking  Joe. When a men whom these women choose pay for their company, it is hard not to get arrogant, and beliefs begin to surface that relationships are time-consuming chores, and time is precious, and certainly not free.

Final Thoughts

Dating a sugar daddy serves a purpose, and fills a need to a specific dating niche. Mature wealthier men dating younger women is some form of a modern relationship where two adults are honest, respectful, and upfront about a non-committal relationship. Commitment is not for everyone, and longevity is not something everyone desires either. Sugar daddy dating is not exactly a top-class escort service that charges $4k per night (think Eliot Spitzer), rather its a choice a woman makes for a short or longer period of time. I’m kind of surprised at the comparison these relationships get, and its often pertaining to prostitution. Women who sign up for dating like this, it’s specifically for monetary gain. Some put them selves through school, others enjoy having a closet full of Christian Louboutin shoes.

Every relationship has an element of exchange – time, money, feelings, thoughts, and intimacy. You have conventional relationships where most fall into, then there is the sex trade (sex in exchange for money), and dating a sugar daddy or momma falls somewhere in between. I’m the first one to admit that sugar daddy dating isn’t a model relationship, but the fact that some chooses to go this route doesn’t make them any better or worst than the rest.

Readers, what are your thoughts on these types of relationships? Have you ever noticed such when you’re out? Have you ever known of anyone who’s had this type of relationship?

All the best!

Dr. Eddie Love

Photo Credits – malingering, malingering

Comments

  1. I really don’t think these kinds of things are meant as only commitment-free relationships. Sure the 32% who are married fall into that category, but I’d think a lot of them want a trophy wife out of the deal. Personally I would never pursue something like this. I’d just have no desire to be with someone who is openly specifically interested in the money. When people put money before emotions that is when it should be compared to prostitution.
    Modest Money recently posted..9 Savings Tips I Don’t RecommendMy Profile

  2. I’m with Jeremy on this one…I would never sign up for something like this. If somebody wanted to be with me simply because of my financial wherewithal then I just don’t see the point to actually having a relationship. It’s extremely shallow in my opinion.

    If I was going to use a dating site then I’d still with the standard sites and find somebody who would be interested in ME and not give any inkling that I was “rich.”
    Jason recently posted..Why I’ll Never Get My Future Kid a Credit CardMy Profile

    • Jason,
      You missed the point. No body asked you sign up for this.
      Its simply a post about the topic, and how its not taboo as some make it out to be.
      Not your cup of tea, no biggie. Everything can’t be everyone’s cup of tea.

  3. As long as it is out in the open and both parties understand it, why not. There will always be a problem when one of the parties is expecting a different outcome. I say this a an old married man of 44 years.
    krantcents recently posted..I Love Credit CardsMy Profile

  4. Nice post, the way I see it is this kind of relationship where 2 people openly exploit each other. what each person wants from the other is no secret, its certainly a transparent operation!
    Oil and Gas ETF recently posted..The Best Oil ETF to Profit from Canada’s Oil BoomMy Profile

  5. Spicy post! These stats are quite interesting:

    “Vancouver’s sugar-daddies have reported that they had average incomes of $234,000, gave an average of $4,000 worth of cash and gifts to their “sugar babies” and had a net worth over $5 million. Majority of the survey respondents were professionals, executives, entrepreneurs and investors. The average age was 40 and thirty-two per cent reported they were married.”

    $4,000 worth of cash and gifts actually doesn’t sound like a lot at all given one Hermes Grace Kelly bag is $6,500!

    $5 mil net worth is impressive, and something I can totally see for the average age of 40.

    If you have no job, a lot of debt, and are any person looking for love, it’s not a bad idea finding someone who can take care of you, especially if that someone truly loves you. Rich people need love too!

    S
    Financial Samurai recently posted..What’s Your Retirement Wealth Number?My Profile

    • Spicy indeed, yet I’m feeling that its too spicy for some. I suppose I understand, not everyone likes spicy food.
      Rich people definitely need love. Thanks for your view Sam.

  6. While I personally think relationships should be based on love, I don’t judge people who have different values than I do (as long as they aren’t hurting other people).

    These sites are interesting because they put the transaction out there in the open. Both parties know what they are getting.
    John @ Married (with Debt) recently posted..A 3 Step Way to Guilt-Free Vacation SpendingMy Profile

    • John,
      I agree with you, but this is not a traditional form of relationship.
      This is more of a business transaction. The sites are there for people looking for that, and for those who need it. Supply and demand. Finally, even the rich people need love. :)

  7. Agree with Krantcents, one more quality article from Financefox

    Thanks
    financeinsiderasia recently posted..Top 5 forex brokersMy Profile

  8. This is a really great post, I love people who bring out slightly “controversial” topics into the open. Most of the men who do the sugar daddy thing probably do it as a way of control or maybe they like being generous.

    And I agree with John, the transaction is out there in the open. If that’s what you want and you’re comfortable with it-go for it.
    L Bee and the Money Tree recently posted..How I cut my spending 38% by simply by writing it down.My Profile

    • I agree with you, if its their thing who are we to judge.
      You raise an interesting point about control, I think its definitely cheaper in the long run, than marrying someone who might take you to the cleaners one day. You work hard for it, the last thing you want is to have to split something with someone who didn’t contribute to your success.

  9. I can see both sides. While this isn’t for me, I don’t think I’d judge someone for doing this. My friend was actually an assistant for an older man. She did all of his cleaning, took his phone calls, and went shopping for clothes for him. She made good money, and he got a pretty girl at his side.
    Michelle recently posted..Goals and Extra Monthly Income UpdateMy Profile

  10. I only wish I was rich enough to take advantage of those sites. It wouldn’t work for me as a long term relationship, but since I’m not ready to settle down any time soon it might be a really interesting dating experience. Out of the few rich people I know in person, all their relationships are based mostly on real feelings.
    Liquid recently posted..Fiscal Update – Jun 2012 – $100,000 MilestoneMy Profile

  11. That is crazy how Victoria is the leader in sugar daddies!

    We have so many crazy stats out there from this survey.

    Do you see this in Toronto often?
    Steve @ Grocery Alerts recently posted..Save $2 On Jamieson Probiotic Sticks, B12 Strips and Melatonin Strips – Hidden Websaver CouponMy Profile

  12. Note: This comment was submitted on behalf of Lucile, as my comment system is finicky.
    _________________________________________________________________

    Eddie

    Tried to get on the website to comment but it wouldn’t give me access??!

    This is the best post in a long time – LOL! I’m taking note of those websites and will be dabbling.

    Money is an attraction but it’s short-term. Just look at the unraveling of Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise’s marriage…..money can’t buy happiness or love! It’s the man behind the money that gives me the wow factor – I’m not shallow enough to just chase after money.

    What can I offer? Not money but buckets of intellectual stimulation and maybe some home comforts thrown in – for good behavior!!

    Thanks for a great post!
    Eddie @ Finance Fox.ca recently posted..Who’s Yo Daddy?My Profile

  13. Very good post. The problem comes in when the guy with the money does the women very wrong. Its better to treat her like a lady.
    Jacko recently posted..Friday, July 06, 2012 – Trucking Jobs ReportMy Profile

    • Jacko,
      Thanks for your comment. I fully agree with you that its best to tread someone the way you want to be treated, but this is a business transaction after all, and someone pays for the company, sex, or whatever. Both parties get that.

  14. I can’t help myself, I’m curiously perusing these websites. I don’t like the exchange of sex for gifts/money but I can see the attraction of paying someones way for the companionship.

  15. An interesting topic indeed, Eddie.. And a fine choice in photographs as well, I might add.

    Honestly.. while I find it a bit gross.. I don’t have a major issue with men (or women) that do this.. They both know what they are signing up for.. There are women out there who value financial security above dignity, and if they are willing to be up front and honest about this fact.. who am I to chastise them?

    From the man’s point of view.. If you just are looking for a trophy to stand around and look nice and to play with every once in a while, and you would rather have this than a life partner.. and you have the means to afford it.. Then sure, buddy, go list yourself as a sugar daddy.

    I hold myself to better standards.. But I don’t fret about what others do…
    Jefferson recently posted..Have Something You Want to Buy? Attach a Goal to It!My Profile

  16. I guess I’m in the old school camp – I think of them as gold diggers. Maybe i’m biased, but still. Let’s be honest now.
    A Young Investor recently posted..Basic Investment Rules – Part 3My Profile

  17. Oh, I’m sorry, was I supposed to comment on something? I got stuck on the picture of “Manhattan’s finest” for about 10 minutes.

    As long as the couple is fine, understands and is accepting of the exploitation of each other, then it’s all good :)

    Mark
    My Own Advisor recently posted..Dividend Growth Index 2012 Q2 UpdateMy Profile

  18. Hi,

    I am surprised that no one described those arrangements, relationships or whatever other euphemism is being used as what this really is; prostitution. Period.

  19. I tried dating a man from a dating website and he tried to give a gift that time and I refused. I don’t like receiving gifts from a man who I just started to date so I agree with what you said about gifts.

  20. Is there anything illegal about these arrangements? I live in Ontario and am very interested.