We’ve all been through it, at least once in our lives. We meet a new friend, we are giddy, excited, sparks are flying, maybe a little bit horny and you are out for dinner at a beautiful restaurant. After the dinner, dessert and a nice bottle of red, the waiter brings over the check. As the bill sits there untouched, in its soft leather pouch, you glance at it, you catch her glancing at it, but no one is even flinching at having a look at it. Now, who’s going to pay?The guy? You split? She pays?. That’s the simple way to look it. Now if you want to complicate things, you can look at things such as; Does he/she make more money than me? Who initiated the date? Well he’s the guy, he should always pay? Truthfully, there really is no right or wrong answer. Every situation is different.
I personally like to pay for the first date and most likely second one too, because it’s the traditional part in me. I don’t care if I asked them out on a date or if they asked me or if I think I earn more or vice versa. I will simply pay. That being said, will this continue forever? Let’s be honest here, probably not. This is where my modern side comes into play. I always believed that finances can be split evenly. Is this hard? Sure it is, but it takes a lot of work and compromise, just like anything else in life.
Everyone knows talk about the money in an relationship is going to come sooner or later. In fact, I think the sooner you have it, the better. Also being a realist, I think there is a time and place for it too. For example, first two dates are not totally appropriate. This is where you watch more so for the actions, rather than the words. In past the dates I’d been on, I look at how she reacts when the check comes. Will they even put the offer out to pay? Will they glance at it? Ask to look it, while I am looking at it. Despite it all, I will still take care of the check. I think every guy should. It will only benefit you, trust me. It shows you care, have a traditional side to your self and you look like a gent. Now comes the third date. Personally, deep down inside I hope that they pick up the check. Why? Well because it will show me they have class. They’ve taken into consideration that I paid on previous dates and after all they want to be fair. Is life always fair? No, it’s not and I am the first one to admit that. Speaking for my self, I’ve been on dates, third, fourth, fifth etc, that the other party has never even flinched at the check, not to talk about offering to pay or even paying. So what happens than? Well the answer is simple, for me at least.
I may call out the other party in a very suttle way, remind them about the previous encounters, sorta see what their reaction is. Truthfully, if it gets to this stage, 90 percent of the time I’ve already lost interest. I’ve been turned off. Turned off by a someone who displays to me, through their actions that they;
A) Have no class
B) Are cheap
C) Think’ I’m a fool
D) All of the above
This is a worst case scenario. If that’s the case, than so be it. I just found out the easy way, in a matter of three or four dates that this person is not for me, because simply our views of finances are different. I did not let months or years go by and to only find out now. Does the above sound a little harsh? Sure it does, to a very small degree. We all have to look out for our selves and that includes our wallets, because if we don’t, no one else will.
Some of you reading this might say that I feel quite strong about my views. Sure I do. I am naturally a giver, but that being said, there is a middle, fair way to everything in life, including what to do on a date(s). We all deserve to be treated fairly, male or female, no matter at what age.
Now after all is said and I did my little rant above :) , I view my self as a combo. I carry traditional values, yet I am modern. Traditional in the sense that I am willing to pay, but modern and above all REAL, that I realize no one is made of money, including my self.
Are you modern, traditional or a combo?
Thoughts? Comments? Please share, this is a very interesting topic (I think), yet pretty sensitive!