Romantic Finance (Intro) – Traditional or Modern? I’m a combo, I think?

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We’ve all been through it, at least once in our lives. We meet a new friend, we are giddy, excited, sparks are flying, maybe a little bit horny and you are out for dinner at a beautiful restaurant. After the dinner, dessert and a nice bottle of red, the waiter brings over the check. As the bill sits there untouched, in its  soft leather pouch, you glance at it, you catch her glancing at it, but no one is even flinching at having a look at it.  Now, who’s going to pay?The guy? You split? She pays?. That’s the simple way to look it. Now if you want to complicate things, you can look at things such as; Does he/she make more money than me? Who initiated the date? Well he’s the guy, he should always pay? Truthfully, there really is no right or wrong answer. Every situation is different.

 

I personally like to pay for the first date and most likely second one too, because it’s the traditional part in me. I don’t care if I asked them out on a date or if they asked me or if I think I earn more or vice versa. I will simply pay. That being said, will this continue forever? Let’s be honest here, probably not. This is where my modern side comes into play. I always believed that finances can be split evenly. Is this hard? Sure it is, but it takes a lot of work and compromise, just like anything else in life.

 

Everyone knows talk about the money in an relationship is going to come sooner or later. In fact, I think the sooner you have it, the better. Also being a realist, I think there is a time and place for it too. For example, first two dates are not totally appropriate. This is where you watch more so for the actions, rather than the words. In past the dates I’d been on, I look at how she reacts when the check comes. Will they even put the offer out to pay? Will they glance at it? Ask to look it, while I am looking at it. Despite it all, I will still take care of the check. I think every guy should. It will only benefit you, trust me. It shows you care, have a traditional side to your self and you look like a gent. Now comes the third date. Personally, deep down inside I hope that they pick up the check. Why? Well because it will show me they have class. They’ve taken into consideration that I paid on previous dates and after all they want to be fair. Is life always fair? No, it’s not and I am the first one to admit that. Speaking for my self, I’ve been on dates, third, fourth, fifth etc, that the other party has never even flinched at the check, not to talk about offering to pay or even paying. So what happens than? Well the answer is simple, for me at least.

 

I may call out the other party in a very suttle way, remind them about the previous encounters, sorta see what their reaction is. Truthfully, if it gets to this stage, 90 percent of the time I’ve already lost interest. I’ve been turned off. Turned off by a someone who displays to me, through their actions that they;

A) Have no class

B) Are cheap

C) Think’ I’m a fool

D) All of the above

This is a worst case scenario. If that’s the case, than so be it. I just found out the easy way, in a matter of three or four dates that this person is not for me, because simply our views of finances are different. I did not let months or years go by and to only find out now. Does the above sound a little harsh? Sure it does, to a very small degree. We all have to look out for our selves and that includes our wallets, because if we don’t, no one else will.

Some of you reading this might say that I feel quite strong about my views. Sure I do. I am naturally a giver, but that being said, there is a middle, fair way to everything in life, including what to do on a date(s). We all deserve to be treated fairly,  male or female, no matter at what age.

Now after all is said and I did my little rant above :) , I view my self as a combo. I carry traditional values, yet I am modern. Traditional in the sense that I am willing to pay, but modern and above all REAL, that I realize no one is made of money, including my self.

 

Are you modern, traditional or a combo?

Thoughts? Comments? Please share, this is a very interesting topic (I think), yet pretty sensitive!

FOX

Comments

  1. For the first date, it doesn't matter who makes how much how little money, none of those details should matter; all that matters is who did the inviting. You invited her? You pay. It's that simple. ;)

    Later on I think 50/50 is fair no matter what the difference in wealth is. Until you're married, that is… then you can be a sugar momma or daddy if you want to be.
    My recent post Ongoing Personal Goals for 2011

    • Fox - financefox.ca says:

      I really have no desire to be a sugar daddy. I will give that lead to others, who get a kick out of it.

      As for who did the inviting? Yeah great point there. At the same time, I want to be able to see how the party is, if they have class, care, look if I paid, remember etc . I think it says a lot about a person. Just my view.

  2. Another way to think about it is that everything is a trade. There is a reason why a guy pays for a date. The guy does want something in return, if not then, then down the road. Are you getting what you're giving, both monetary and non-monetary? It's important for both partners to reciprocate, which goes beyond just money but also includes non-monetary aspects.
    My recent post Ongoing Personal Goals for 2011

  3. I agree with your viewpoint.

    Whoever asks, pays.

    For me, the guy has always asked, so I've never paid for the first date, but for the later ones? Yes
    My recent post Confessions of an Escort- A Look into the Life

    • Fox - financefox.ca says:

      Thanks.

      Yeah I agree, whoever ask pays. I guess you've been lucky that the guys always asks for the first date. Later ones are a different story.

  4. I would say I'm a combo. I agree with your reasons for paying (I asked, I want to be a gent, etc.) But down the line, if your date continues to not pay, not even look at the bill, that kind of shows what kind of person you are dealing with. If you see enough reasons to continue, you need to talk it out, see if a compromise in behavior can be found. If not, kick that person to the curb, you gold digging, non-caring, poor excuse of a human being! :)
    My recent post Move- Boxes- Isolate- and Unclutter

    • Fox - financefox.ca says:

      Hahaha great touch. Love the the kick em to the curb and the poor excuses of a human being. Shame on them!

  5. Nice touch with the music video by the way. :)
    My recent post Move- Boxes- Isolate- and Unclutter

    • Fox - financefox.ca says:

      Thanks Buck!

      I seen it on your blog thing, with a video, hence for the idea.

      Thanks for the inspiration.

  6. Bachelorette says:

    Hey! I really enjoyed getting your take on this issue. I completely agree that not offering within the first few dates to split the check is a totally classless move. Right now, I'm a single girl. Regardless of my status I ALWAYS offer to split the bill. Don't waste your time/money on girls who don't :)

  7. Hello!

    Well, first date I want the guy to pay. Honestly…I'd think it was totally weird if he didn't. I think down the road it is definitely 50/50 or thereabouts (depending on your income), but I tend to lean more towards the guy paying in the beginning.

  8. I think on the first date, it's a good idea the guy pays… otherwise he may seem cheap. And he musn't use coupons too, because that seems cheap too! :)

    All these unwritten rules…

    I think my boyfriend and I split our bill on the first date! And we have been taking turns paying for dinner since (5+ years ago). Though I knew him from a long time ago, so I already knew he was kinda cheap lol…
    My recent post youngandthrifty Net Worth Update- January 2011

    • Fox - financefox.ca says:

      So the guy is cheap if he does not pay….cupons are out….so you prefer the traditional…hmmm…interesting…glad you and BF found a common ground, at the end of the day, that's the most important thing.

  9. I think it sets a poor precedent for the man when he goes 50/50.

    I like tradition and I think since the man asks the woman out on a date they should pay for the entire meal/date.

    My recent post Sobeys Grocery Flyer Deals from Jan 14 – 20- 2011

  10. financialuproar says:

    I pay the first couple of times at least. Once we get past the first couple of dates, I'd expect the girl to start making motions that she'll pick up the check. If not, me and Buck up there will both be doing some punting to the curb.

  11. I like to pay for almost all of my first dates, but when they're at Burger King, I guess it really doesn't matter so much.
    My recent post Investing the Warren Buffett Way

  12. @bfinance says:

    I agree with Kevin and with finance fox….. Modern is good in general, but the one who does the asking on the first date should think about paying! I wouldn't recommend the strategy my husband in I adopted after 4 months of dating…. I took control of ALL Finances and have control to this day, after many years of marriage. It works for us. :)

  13. forestparks says:

    I don't care about what they think, I care about gender neutrality. If I asked them out I would pay for it. I am always happy to split and I do pay most of the bills with my partner (but I also earn more as she is a student).

    I think gender neutral decisions is better for everyone in the long run.
    My recent post Chevy Volt Cool Facts

  14. savingmentor says:

    I guess I'm a bit more of a traditionalist in that I would tend to pay for the women much more during the early dating stages, especially the first 5 dates or more.

    Of course, I'm not interested in gold diggers either and would be watching for the cues to make sure that she is not just interested in the money. Being married or long term partners I think is a totally different story. Now that we're married, we share all our money equally and pay out of our joint account whenever we eat out so it is always split that way.
    My recent post Free Legal TV- Cut Your Cable And Throw Out Your Satellite Dish