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When it comes to dating, there are many different etiquette’s on who pays for the date. None of them are wrong, each is right in it’s own way, just depends in what you believe in. Are you modern? Traditional? or just out right want someone else to pay? I am a combo of traditional and modern. I enjoy paying, but also love it when the date also “offers” to pay or simply picks up the check.

Week or so ago, I blogged about Romantic Finance – Intro and expressed my views on going on dates, paying for dates and dating etiquette in general. With this posting, I had one goal in mind. I wanted to get back as many comments from you, the readers and see what views everyone shared.

Below are the results of 30 comments I received (Finance Fox & Yakezie):

With the above results, 70 percent of the respondents prefer the the 50/50 combo, of modern & traditional. Twenty percent are modern and 10 percent are traditional. Fair enough and pretty cool stats I believe. Most respondents are a combo of traditional and modern, like my self. While the others are either modern or traditional. You may ask your self, well what’s modern and what’s traditional?

Modern – He or She pays all the Time

Traditional -  The guy always pays

Combo – Combination of Modern & Traditional

Results of the mini survey are exactly what I expected. Most of use are a combo, the rest are either traditional or modern. Now this survey would also very heavily on the age group. For example if we did a survey of 20 somethings (male or female) and 50 somethings, the results would be drastically different. Why? Well simply, what was appropriate 30 something years ago, when those 50 something year olds were in their twenties, is different now. Times change. Also the income level would be drastically different from people their twenties, than those in their fifties. You can also add the life outlook, how one was brought up, the time they lived in and so on, would also impact the outlook of the survey. With that being said, please remember that this was just a brief survey, for fun mostly, the results can be much different, depending which way you look at it.

Now let’s take this up a notch. We are past the first date, dating stages and now you are planning to get married. Sooner or later (hopefully sooner) you discussed finances. The biggest question would be, are you going to have a joint account or seperate accounts?

One Joint Account – All the income gets pooled together and all bills are paid from one account

Separate Accounts – You and your partner have each personal accounts and one joint account, where all the bills get paid from

Here is my view:

Personally I believe in having one joint account. With this account all the income is pooled together, bills are paid from, mortgage is paid and all the spending is done from it. I am sure there are some of you humming and hawing over this, but I do have my reasons for this:

One Account = Easier Management

Everything is out in the open, nothing to hide!

I married my partner for love, not for the income they bring in (including if they make less than me)

Reduced Banking Fees

Joint Income = More Options with your Money

I am TRADITIONAL

As you can see from my arguments above, why I strongly believe in having a joint account. Are they right? No, they may not be, but they would work for me. When it comes to “Family Finances” I always look at my parents and use them as an example. They’ve been married for 30 years and have always had one joint account. They pay the bills, groceries, mortgages, vacations and almost everything from it. They’ve owned three homes from it. They have helped my self and my brother through schooling, purchasing of cars and much more. Are they happy? You better believe that they are. Have they had disputes over money? Did one earn more than the other? Yes and Yes, but they made it work. Why? I think the biggest reason, is because they are so honest with each other and keep everything out in the open. Nothing to hide approach. They pool their money together, with all the income both earn. They accomplished goals, by simply being a team and trust. They are also traditional.

In today’s day and age, more couple are opting to have seperate accounts, with one joint. Why? Well there are many reasons, such as different incomes, different levels of debt, they find finances are personal thing, we all spend differently and so on. Are these reasons wrong? No, I don’t think so, but they would not work for me. I have not been brough up with those values. Furthermore, if I chose to get married to my partner, I am marrying them for who they are, not the income they bring in, debt they may carry or the fact that they enjoy to spend more/less than me from time to time. That’s why communication is huge, as well as trust. If you don’t have those two ingredients, than why get married in the first place?

Funny enough when it comes to joint finances, I have my parents as one example and a close co-worker as another. This co-worker has a fairly good marriage (I mean nothing is perfect!). This co-worker earns roughly a six figure income and the partner slightly less, give or take. They have separate accounts, with one joint. All the bills get paid, mortgage, vacations and so on, but nearly 70 percent of my co-workers income goes into his personal account. His partner never really knows how much he brings in, as he is in sales and income varies due to commission. Do you see a problem here? I do. I personally would not be able to hide my income from my partner, from my kids and so on. What kind of a partner would I be? Not a good one I am sure. I tease my co-worker all the time for it. Furthermore, this co-worker has his “private” credit card, that the partner does not know about. The bill gets mailed to work and only he knows about it.

In conclusion, I prefer to have a joint account. I am traditional. I have a great example, that it can work in my parents. I am simply honest. I do not care for the income my partner has, if it’s more or less, or that they may carry more debt than me, I will marry my partner for who they are to me. The positive sides they bring out in me, the smile they put on my face and simply what they mean to me, not the dollar figure they represent and if my partner and me, want to add some insurance and control our spending, we will just get “Two Signatory Options”, that way one can’t do things without the other. Fair is Fair! Keep it open, you got nothing to lose, but only to gain!

So I ask you…

With your significant other, do you have a one joint account or separate accounts?

Which do you believe in and why? Joint or Separate?

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FOX

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We’ve all been through it, at least once in our lives. We meet a new friend, we are giddy, excited, sparks are flying, maybe a little bit horny and you are out for dinner at a beautiful restaurant. After the dinner, dessert and a nice bottle of red, the waiter brings over the check. As the bill sits there untouched, in its  soft leather pouch, you glance at it, you catch her glancing at it, but no one is even flinching at having a look at it.  Now, who’s going to pay?The guy? You split? She pays?. That’s the simple way to look it. Now if you want to complicate things, you can look at things such as; Does he/she make more money than me? Who initiated the date? Well he’s the guy, he should always pay? Truthfully, there really is no right or wrong answer. Every situation is different.

I personally like to pay for the first date and most likely second one too, because it’s the traditional part in me. I don’t care if I asked them out on a date or if they asked me or if I think I earn more or vice versa. I will simply pay. That being said, will this continue forever? Let’s be honest here, probably not. This is where my modern side comes into play. I always believed that finances can be split evenly. Is this hard? Sure it is, but it takes a lot of work and compromise, just like anything else in life.

Everyone knows talk about the money in an relationship is going to come sooner or later. In fact, I think the sooner you have it, the better. Also being a realist, I think there is a time and place for it too. For example, first two dates are not totally appropriate. This is where you watch more so for the actions, rather than the words. In past the dates I’d been on, I look at how she reacts when the check comes. Will they even put the offer out to pay? Will they glance at it? Ask to look it, while I am looking at it. Despite it all, I will still take care of the check. I think every guy should. It will only benefit you, trust me. It shows you care, have a traditional side to your self and you look like a gent. Now comes the third date. Personally, deep down inside I hope that they pick up the check. Why? Well because it will show me they have class. They’ve taken into consideration that I paid on previous dates and after all they want to be fair. Is life always fair? No, it’s not and I am the first one to admit that. Speaking for my self, I’ve been on dates, third, fourth, fifth etc, that the other party has never even flinched at the check, not to talk about offering to pay or even paying. So what happens than? Well the answer is simple, for me at least.

I may call out the other party in a very suttle way, remind them about the previous encounters, sorta see what their reaction is. Truthfully, if it gets to this stage, 90 percent of the time I’ve already lost interest. I’ve been turned off. Turned off by a someone who displays to me, through their actions that they;

A) Have no class

B) Are cheap

C) Think’ I’m a fool

D) All of the above

This is a worst case scenario. If that’s the case, than so be it. I just found out the easy way, in a matter of three or four dates that this person is not for me, because simply our views of finances are different. I did not let months or years go by and to only find out now. Does the above sound a little harsh? Sure it does, to a very small degree. We all have to look out for our selves and that includes our wallets, because if we don’t, no one else will.

Some of you reading this might say that I feel quite strong about my views. Sure I do. I am naturally a giver, but that being said, there is a middle, fair way to everything in life, including what to do on a date(s). We all deserve to be treated fairly,  male or female, no matter at what age.

Now after all is said and I did my little rant above :) , I view my self as a combo. I carry traditional values, yet I am modern. Traditional in the sense that I am willing to pay, but modern and above all REAL, that I realize no one is made of money, including my self.

Are you modern, traditional or a combo?

Thoughts? Comments? Please share, this is a very interesting topic (I think), yet pretty sensitive!

FOX