Everyone tells a white lie on occasion, it’s just a question of why. I’ve made white lies many times in my life, and its a normal fact of everyday life. Some white lies are absolutely necessary in order for the society we live in to function properly. We tell white lies to save relationships, buy time, diffuse situations, and other times to get us into the door. There are many white lies people tell at different times. The list would probably be endless, but some white lies are more interesting than others.
Telling a white lie does not make anyone a chronic liar, rather its simply stretching the truth as that’s the easiest way out. We all fib a little, so don’t go denying now that you don’t tell little white lies as that would simply make you a minority in this subject. Honestly, I think the world is better off with white lies. Sometimes we just don’t want to know the truth, because at times truth hurts no matter which way you slice it.
As long as you’re not hurting someone intentionally, lying to better your self, breaking the law or lying every time you open your mouth, white little lies can be okay. They absorb tension, get us through a given moment and lighten the mood.
Finally, men supposedly lie six times more per day than women, and when someone tells you, be a man or a woman – “Nothing is wrong, I’m OKAY”, they’re really lying to your face.
Here’s my quick and dirty list of 35 money lies people tell regularly…and with some very sarcastic color commentary.
1. Your check is in the mail – “Geez really? You’re only a two weeks late sending me a prompt payment for the services I provided.”
2. You get this one, I’ll grab the next one – “Seriously?, because you said the same thing last time…the time before…and the time before that…WTF?”
3. I forgot my wallet – “Since you drove, I assume you forgot your drivers license as well…..but okay!”
4. I didn’t buy it, my friend bought it for me – “Hey, at least your friend has good taste. Great job friend!”
5. Mutual Funds are much better performers than stocks, because they’re managed by fund managers like my self – “I guess this is now where you’re going to tell me that your MER is 2.5%”
6. This fund can certainly beat the benchmark – “Benchmark of what….bean counting?”
7. Money buys happiness – “Yeah, that’s until the money runs out, that’s when shit really hits the fan….and then it gets really dirty”
8. Use debt as leverage to get ahead – “Totally true….that’s why everyone is doing it”
9. Expensive is quality – “Must be, that’s why you’re rocking that Gucci purse you bought on Canal St. in NYC”
10. Others are limiting my financial success – “Hmm the “others” must also be mixing the cool-aid you’re drinking now”
11. You don’t need a plan to get out of debt, just do it – “OKAY! How do we do it?”
12. Fake it till you make it – “That must be the reason you drive your bosses BMW to pickup his lunch everyday”
13. Before my bankruptcy, I had a 3,000 sq ft home & a purple Lamborghini – “Shit, you couldn’t sell off the mansion to avoid bankruptcy?”
14. My credit card bill is mailed to my office, so I don’t forget to pay it – “Translation: I can’t let the wifey see the Visa bill and how much I spend on drinks at the rippers”
15. I got it on sale – “Yes everything is on sale everyday, and you just happened to be there”
16. I don’t earn that much – “Lying to your significant other about your salary can be beneficial if you happen to be the “Tax Man” and do the taxes EVERY YEAR”
17. This is the safest investment you could go with – “Really? That’s amazing…I better get onto it before anyone else”
18. This stock is the next hot thing, mark my words! – “That’s what they said about Nortel and Research In Motion”
19. I’m a financial professional, you can trust me – “Yes and I’m Dr. Phil”
20. I’ve been in this business for over 20 years – “Seriously? You don’t look a day over 35….that’s amazing”
21. Money buys anything – “Money is only a medium of exchange you fool!”
22. “Fill in the blank of a company name” is healthy and fine – “Told By: Any CEO”
23. Diversify and minimize your risk – “Sure, how do I do that though? What do I buy”
24. Bonds are a great addition to your portfolio, and should represent a large chunk of portfolio – “The downside of stocks, with very very little upside”
25. Before you invest, speak to an investment advisor – “Will this make me feel better?
26. If I have a bad day, shopping makes me feel better- “Wow…we share a common interest…I do the same thing after a bad day by pounding a bottle of vodka”
27. I got an amazing deal, it was on sale – “Its still spending money”
28. I bought it at the store, and it was tax free – “I guess they forgot to tell you that tax was included in the final price”
29. People will like me more – “That dinner you bought for everyone on your credit card may bought you some love now….in two weeks nobody will remember the dinner…and in 21 days your credit card statement arrives”
30. I never play the lottery – “Except every Wednesday and Friday”
31. Whats mine is yours honey – “I really got a bank account on the side”
32. I’m still working 9-5 – “I just got laid off, and no severance package”
33. Oh this old thing? I’ve had it for years – “Actually I just ripped off the tags”
34. Hun, you know exactly what I’m making – “I just got a big fat raise, and didn’t tell you”
35. I bank only in Canada (or US) – “I got offshore accounts”
That does it for today’s post, and 35 white lies we hear daily or heard at some point of time in our lives. Next time you hear one of the above white little lies, simply do the following:
- Smile & Nod Your Head
- Turn Around (when time permits)
- Roll Your Eyes
- And as you walk away, create a mini gun with your fingers and pretend to blow your brains out
Readers, what is the craziest most insane white lie about money you ever heard?